Resident Evil’s Umbrella Corporation would make quick work of lobbying Irish politicians – The Irish Times

Resident Evil’s Umbrella Corporation would make quick work of lobbying Irish politicians – The Irish Times

If I ever see a Fine Gael election manifesto with an overly specific paragraph promising that inward pharmaceutical investment will not cause people to degenerate into a horde of zombies, I’ll know it’s probably because of the Umbrella Corporation’s lobbying in New Raccoon City. . I learned a lot about corporate lobbying from the excellent Uber Files (see elsewhere on this website) and the aforementioned Resident Evil antagonists (the Umbrella Corporation, not Fine Gael) seem to be the kind of people who would pull off such antics.

In defense of the Umbrella Corporation, let me say that while their experimental activities may lead to a zombie apocalypse, they will also lead to solid jobs (in mad science/killing zombies/being a zombie) and that’s a good network for workers. people of this country. So stop listening to left-wing scaremongering and start worrying about the real enemy: Zombie Sinn Féin (This paragraph is also from the hypothetical manifesto I mentioned in the first line).

Resident Evil (Netflix) is a spin-off of a film franchise that was itself a spin-off of a classic video game. The problem with adapting video games to more traditional narrative formats is that when you remove the player’s own hopes and dreams from the equation, what you’re left with is a cool suit and a few bad guys to shoot.

More practically, if he were running the Umbrella Corporation, he would hire more guards, because that lab is full of secrets and zombies.

When playing a game, you might think: “The hero is feeling a bit bloated and regrets having a family pack of Haribo Starmix for lunch; What a nuanced character he is!” None of that necessarily appears on the television screen. Sometimes the characters don’t eat Haribo Starmix for lunch.

You can see this problem clearly with Paramount’s adaptation of Halo, a show that’s steeped in complicated computer game lore and has a characterization that amounts to, “He’s got a cool gun and he frowns a lot.” I imagine the whiteboard in the writers room is just the words “pew pew!” written over and over with red marker. And from time to time: “maybe more frowning?” And maybe: “Finale: frown!”

Resident Evil tries to go for something a bit more nuanced. It is set in two different timelines, one in the “future” where a scientist is trying to figure out what is going on with the wandering zombies while also trying not to get eaten by a giant caterpillar of death. I know science people and they say this is exactly how is your life.

The other time period is “present day”, in which a family moves into a new corporate-owned development filled with happy people wearing pastel shades. It reminds me a bit of the billboards around vulture fund owned apartment buildings all over Dublin. However, this family is very relatable. Albert is an ordinary single dad trying to juggle work, family, and the accidental creation of zombies.

He regularly injects something into his own neck, but who are we to judge? He may be diabetic. Or maybe it’s just tea or juices needed for the neck. One way or another, I’m sure it has nothing to do with the future plot (I’ve only seen the first four episodes).

The Umbrella corporation Albert works for has a little problem. While his new drug “Joy” successfully cures people of his depression, it also turns them into brainless monsters who bleed from their eyes and crave human flesh. Albert thinks they probably shouldn’t rush this product to market. His boss, Evelyn, disagrees and thinks it will be great. As a balanced journalist, I feel compelled to support both sides of this issue and suggest a commitment to turn some people into zombies, but not all (this is called “centrism”).

The thought of them not being allowed to go ahead with their product launch doesn’t even come up. Apparently getting FDA approval for zombie dust is a piece of cake in this universe. It is clearly a conspiracy that goes all the way to the president. Is his name (P) Resident Evil? I hope so.

Albert’s daughters include both “sassy rebel” and “meek wallflower” types of teenagers. They are called “Jade” (she is the future scientist) and “Billie” (she is a shadowy future boss of the Umbrella Corporation). These are also the kind of American names that the priest would not allow you to take for confirmation of him, so this may be a trigger for you.

Both Billie and Jade are worried about fitting in at a new school with its jeering hipsters and bullies because American writers, like some South Dubliners, have never gotten past their time in high school. For unconvincing reasons and probably also due to his key status (Albert works a lot when he’s not injecting juice down his neck) they break into the Umbrella Corporation lab.

This is remarkably simple. All they have to do is steal Albert’s ID card. If I were a well-paid consultant (and in a way this is my argument for any evil corporation reading this), I would have some unprejudiced remarks to make the management of the Umbrella Corporation think: a) their drugs turn people into zombies b ) teens can easily get into your labs c) have you considered migrating to Microsoft Teams?

More practically, if I were running the Umbrella Corporation, I’d hire more guards, because that lab is full of secrets and zombies. She would also invest in bite-proof clothing because before you can say “that dog that’s walking is a zombie”, Billie has been savagely bitten (later, being half-zombie makes her good at skateboarding, like Teen Wolf). And that’s how Jade beats a dog to death, much like Setanta in the old Irish legends, and also a boy I knew at school.

This turns out to be good practice for Jade because in the future timeline she spends most of her day escaping from zombie hordes while covered in blood. She leaves a snooty Irishman to be eaten by zombies. She tells a clingy mother to abandon her zombie child. She cuts off a zombie queen’s head with a chainsaw (apparently, zombies are realistic). She blows up a swarm of hungry zombies with a grenade. At this point, she surely must remember the time she beat a dog to death as a relatively happy era of childlike innocence.

Resident Evil is very violent but in a two-dimensional, weightless way. You hardly get to meet any of the people who get blown up or eaten or sawn. Like, I guess, you’re playing a video game. For an ultraviolent TV show with real emotional stakes, a gruesome imagination, and a cohesive political philosophy, I recommend Amazon’s The Boys instead. I’m sure that show’s infamous superhuman-creating Vought Corporation would also be good at lobbying Irish politicians. Sure, why wouldn’t you if you could get away with it?

Leave a Comment