Minecraft for Adjunct Professors – McSweeney’s Internet Trend

Minecraft for Adjunct Professors – McSweeney’s Internet Trend

Starting

First, you need to decide between creative mode and survival mode. In creative mode, you are like a god, the master and lord of everything you see, with an infinite number of items and resources at your disposal. Creative mode is only available to full teachers. Everyone else has to play Survival Mode. You will also have to choose a difficulty level. Your options are Peaceful Professor, Easy, Normal, Hard, and Adjunct. Let’s select that last one and see what happens.

your character appears

Your character could spawn in any biome, but since you’ve selected Assistant Professor Mode, there’s a 90 percent chance you’ll spawn in a Subway restaurant bathroom where you’re grading essays using a malfunctioning hand dryer as a desk and trying to to respond in panic. student emails on a nine-year-old iPhone. If you choose to start with a bonus chest, it must be in one of the adjacent bathrooms. Look inside for helpful items to help you on your quest, including more qualifying essays, a half meatball sub, and a Ph.D. in History of Consciousness from UC Santa Cruz.

building a shelter

You can build your shelter out of almost any material, but choose something cozy, as you’ll be sharing your occasional shelter/house/office/classroom/Airbnb with all the other adjuncts playing in your kingdom. A well-constructed shelter will keep the most hostile elements and crowds at bay, but letters from student loan collection agencies will always find it. Don’t bother creating windows for your shelter, as it must be located underground next to a pool of lava, a bottomless abyss, and several broken copiers.

Search for resources

Start by gathering valuable natural resources like wood, cobblestones, and charcoal, all of which can be traded with the villagers for the Chobani yogurt cups that will make up 90 percent of your diet (the other 10 percent comes from the meatball snack you found in the Underground Bath, so eat it in moderation). You should also gather sticks and wool to make the futon that will be your bed, office, and occasional sexual partner. If you find gold, diamonds, or anything else remotely valuable, immediately select SAVE MONEY Y LEAVE and invest your newfound wealth in minting NFTs from your negative Rate My Professor reviews.

craft supplies

Combine four wooden planks to create a workbench. You can use this useful item to craft just about anything, including powerful weapons, armor, and tools. Unfortunately, you can also use it as a desk, and since you have two hundred essays on gender identity on jane eyre To qualify before tomorrow morning, you’d better get started. The good news is you don’t need to sleep Minecraft, so this can be like one of your real-life workdays. Only stop working if you need to trade more Chobanis, if a zombie starts trying to eat you, or worst of all, if a zombie tries to close SpeedGrader before he can save all the comments on those essays.

Encounter with hostile mobs

Zombies, spiders, and creepers will try to kill you, but the most dangerous hostile mob you’ll encounter is the dreaded “hiring board,” who will not only kill you, but will also require you to give them a resume, cover letter, transcripts undergraduate, grad school, and kindergarten academics, seven letters of reference, a twelve-year research plan, and three thousand dollars (or the equivalent of Chobani yogurt cups) to pay for her own on-campus interview.

Fighting the Ender Dragon

To reach the end of the game, you will have to fight against the most terrifying, powerful and ruthless enemy you can imagine. His name is Thad Peterson, and he was granted tenure in 1978 with a conference paper and zero CV postings on him. Despite getting his first permanent job because his supervisor was the department head’s drinking buddy, he now expects all job applicants to have three books (with a fourth under contract) by the time they finish graduate school. . He has published a book in forty-five years and made $325,000 last year. Conventional weapons (like peer review) can’t hurt him, so his only hope is to say nice things about him and pray he gets offered a job as president of a university in another state.

Start again

Playing Minecraft in adjunct professor mode it means you have to start a new game from scratch every eight to twelve weeks. Your progress will not be saved, because according to the human resources department of the university, it does not exist. You may want to consider playing a game that simulates a safer and more stable career, such as car thief, soldier of fortune, or assassin. However, given the sheer number of new adjunct professors joining the game each year, the smartest move might be to sell your gaming system and funnel the profits into Chobani’s yogurt stock.

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